Holly's Thoughts on Friendship

Friendship

Friendship to me is an important part of life. Friendship allows us to have relationships with people outside of our family units. A good friendship swings both ways in order to open our eyes to see the world from different perspectives.  I’ve found it harder to have good solid friendships with people as I get older. I think that it is because as I mature so do my moral and ethical values. Also from the perspective of a mother I began to look at the behaviors of the people I associate with and use that to decide if they are a good choice as a friend for me. The type of friends you have around you says more about a you than most would care to admit. I think while is it important to be respectful and polite towards all people it is imperative that we be selective about the people we have in our lives and that a responsible parent engages in friendships with people that will set good examples for their children as well. I also think that the people we choose to have in our lives will ultimately affect which people our children choose to have in their lives. When you have a “true friendship” with someone they integrate into your lives and the lives of your family members.

My Top 5 “Do’s” of Friendship:

1.       Listen: Sometimes listening is the only thing you have to do in certain circumstances to be a good friend. When you listen to someone they more easily trust you and trust is (in my opinion) the fundamental building block for any relationship.

2.       Be understanding: You don’t have to know what your friend is going through. The important thing is that you remember that they are going through something. You don’t have to agree with where your friend is coming from but you should always try to understand their perspective and allow yourself to be open to their side of things.

3.       Apologize: Saying you are sorry is more than just the words. When you are wrong and you apologize not only does it show your ability to be humble it also shows them that you value who they are as a person and validates that you respect their feelings.

4.       Defend: Always come to your friend’s defense. If you are with your friend stand beside them so that they know they are not alone.  And if your friend is not there to defend herself stand up for her! If is so important that you hold your friendship above careless gossip, spiteful accusations, and random misunderstandings.

5.       Be Honest: You should always be honest with your friend. Friend’s don’t say what they think they want their friends to hear. That’s just for the movies. A good friend and a friendship built on trust can withstand honesty even in its most rudimentary form. Honesty at other levels means that you don’t keep things from a friend that they may find out later and also that you are honest with them about who you are ethically and morally.

My Top 5 “Don’ts”

1.       Criticize: You should never make a friend feel bad about something they do or think. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Criticizing a friend is no worse than judging a book by its cover, and we all know that’s taboo lol.  Constructive criticism is the key.

2.       Tell your friend what to do: Who wants to be the “bossy one” anyway?! Be suggestive without being a dictator. Offer your opinions and allow your friend to make their own choice.

3.       Backstab: Backstabbing is the surest way to ruin the trust that has been built in a friendship. If you are around other friends or acquaintances who are talking about your friend DO speak up for them. Not only will it show the loyalty of your character it may earn some respect in the eyes of those other people.

4.       Assume: Don’t assume just because you have been friends with this person that certain things are acceptable. No matter how long you are friend with someone they are still individuals and have different feelings and outlooks towards the ways of the world.

5.       Disrespect: Never blatantly disrespect your friend. Remember, as I said before, they may be your very best friend in the world but they are still their own person. For example just because you think it is okay to scream at a friend when you are angry does not mean that your friend thinks it is okay. Where you might see screaming as an outlet for frustration a friend my see it as disrespectful and childish.     

PLEASE ADD COMMENTS AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE! :o)